There was an Old Man with a nose, Who said, "If you choose to suppose That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!" That remarkable Man with a nose. ![]() There was a Young Person of Smyrna, Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her; But she seized on the Cat, and said, "Granny, burn that! You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!" ![]() There was an Old Man on a hill, Who seldom, if ever, stood still; He ran up and down in his Grandmother's gown, Which adorned that Old Man on a hill. ![]() There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly; He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears, That imprudent Old Person of Chili. ![]() There was an Old Man with a gong, Who bumped at it all the day long; But they called out, "Oh, law! you're a horrid old bore!" So they smashed that Old Man with a gong. ![]() There was an Old Man of Kilkenny, Who never had more than a penny; He spent all that money in onions and honey, That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny. ![]() There was an Old Man of Columbia, Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer; But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper pot, Which disgusted that man of Columbia. ![]() There was an Old Man in a tree, Who was horribly bored by a Bee; When they said, "Does it buzz?" he replied, "Yes, it does! It's a regular brute of a Bee." ![]() There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, Who made a remarkable curtsey; She twirled round and round, till she sank underground, Which distressed all the people of Chertsey. There was a Young Lady whose chin Resembled the point of a pin; So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin. ![]() There was an Old Man with a flute,— A "sarpint" ran into his boot! But he played day and night, till the "sarpint" took flight, And avoided that Man with a flute. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Portugal, Whose ideas were excessively nautical; She climbed up a tree to examine the sea, But declared she would never leave Portugal. ![]() There was an Old Person of Ischia, Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier; He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs, That lively Old Person of Ischia There was an Old Man of Vienna, Who lived upon Tincture of Senna; When that did not agree, he took Camomile Tea, That nasty Old Man of Vienna. ![]() There was an Old Man in a boat, Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!" When they said, "No, you ain't!" he was ready to faint, That unhappy Old Man in a boat. ![]() There was an Old Person of Buda, Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder, Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor. By smashing that Person of Buda. ![]() There was an Old Man of Moldavia, Who had the most curious behavior; For while he was able, he slept on a table, That funny Old Man of Moldavia. ![]() There was an Old Person of Hurst, Who drank when he was not athirst; When they said, "You'll grow fatter!" he answered "What matter?" That globular Person of Hurst. ![]() There was an Old Man of Madras, Who rode on a cream-colored Ass; But the length of its ears so promoted his fears, That it killed that Old Man of Madras. ![]() There was an Old Person of Dover, Who rushed through a field of blue clover; But some very large Bees stung his nose and his knees, So he very soon went back to Dover. ![]() There was an Old Person of Leeds, Whose head was infested with beads; She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool, Which agreed with that Person of Leeds. ![]() There was an Old Person of Cadiz, Who was always polite to all ladies; But in handing his daughter, he fell into the water, Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Isles, Whose face was pervaded with smiles; He sang "High dum diddle," and played on the fiddle, That amiable Man of the Isles. ![]() There was an Old Person of Basing, Whose presence of mind was amazing; He purchased a steed, which he rode at full speed, And escaped from the people of Basing. ![]() There was an Old Man who supposed That the street door was partially closed; But some very large Rats ate his coats and his hats, While that futile Old Gentleman dozed. ![]() There was an Old Person whose habits Induced him to feed upon Rabbits; When he'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green, Upon which he relinquished those habits. ![]() There was an Old Man of the West, Who wore a pale plum-colored vest; When they said, "Does it fit?" he replied, "Not a bit!" That uneasy Old Man of the West. ![]() There was an Old Man of Marseilles, Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils: They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish, And sent to their Pa at Marseilles. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Wrekin, Whose shoes made a horrible creaking; But they said, "Tell us whether your shoes are of leather, Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?" ![]() There was a Young Lady whose nose Was so long that it reached to her toes; So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was steady, To carry that wonderful nose. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Norway, Who casually sat in a doorway; When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, "What of that?" This courageous Young Lady of Norway. ![]() There was an Old Man of Apulia, Whose conduct was very peculiar; He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns, That whimsical Man of Apulia. There was an Old Man of Quebec,— A beetle ran over his neck; But he cried, "With a needle I'll slay you, O beadle!" That angry Old Man of Quebec. There was a Young Lady of Bute, Who played on a silver-gilt flute; She played several jigs to her Uncle's white Pigs: That amusing Young Lady of Bute. ![]() There was an Old Person of Philœ, Whose conduct was scroobious and wily; He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm, And observed all the ruins of Philœ. ![]() There was an Old Man with a poker, Who painted his face with red ochre. When they said, "You 're a Guy!" he made no reply, But knocked them all down with his poker. ![]() There was an Old Person of Prague, Who was suddenly seized with the plague; But they gave him some butter, which caused him to mutter, And cured that Old Person of Prague. ![]() There was an Old Man of Peru, Who watched his wife making a stew; But once, by mistake, in a stove she did bake That unfortunate Man of Peru. There was an Old Man of the North, Who fell into a basin of broth; But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook, Which saved that Old Man of the North. ![]() There was an Old Person of Troy, Whose drink was warm brandy and soy, Which he took with a spoon, by the light of the moon, In sight of the city of Troy. ![]() There was an Old Person of Mold, Who shrank from sensations of cold; So he purchased some muffs, some furs, and some fluffs, And wrapped himself well from the cold. ![]() There was an Old Person of Tring, Who embellished his nose with a ring; He gazed at the moon every evening in June, That ecstatic Old Person of Tring. ![]() There was an Old Man of Nepal, From his horse had a terrible fall; But, though split quite in two, with some very strong glue They mended that man of Nepaul. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Nile, Who sharpened his nails with a file, Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, "This comes Of sharpening one's nails with a file!" ![]() There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi, So blind that he couldn't his foot see; When they said, "That's your toe," he replied, "Is it so?" That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi. ![]() There was an Old Man of Calcutta, Who perpetually ate bread and butter; Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing, Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta. ![]() There was an Old Person of Rhodes, Who strongly objected to toads; He paid several cousins to catch them by dozens, That futile Old Person of Rhodes. ![]() There was an Old Man of the South, Who had an immoderate mouth; But in swallowing a dish that was quite full of Fish, He was choked, that Old Man of the South. ![]() There was an Old Man of Melrose, Who walked on the tips of his toes; But they said, "It ain't pleasant to see you at present, You stupid Old Man of Melrose." ![]() There was an Old Man of the Dee, Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea; When he said, "I will scratch it!" they gave him a hatchet, Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Lucca, Whose lovers completely forsook her; She ran up a tree, and said "Fiddle-de-dee!" Which embarrassed the people of Lucca. ![]() There was an Old Man of Coblenz, The length of whose legs was immense; He went with one prance from Turkey to France, That surprising Old Man of Coblenz. ![]() There was an Old Man of Bohemia, Whose daughter was christened Euphemia; But one day, to his grief, she married a thief, Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia. ![]() There was an Old Man of Corfu, Who never knew what he should do; So he rushed up and down, till the sun made him brown, That bewildered Old Man of Corfu. ![]() There was an Old Man of Vesuvius, Who studied the works of Vitruvius; When the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took, That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius. ![]() There was an Old Man of Dundee, Who frequented the top of a tree; When disturbed by the Crows, he abruptly arose, And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee!" ![]() There was an Old Lady whose folly Induced her to sit in a holly; Whereon, by a thorn her dress being torn, She quickly became melancholy. ![]() | There was an Old Man on some rocks, Who shut his Wife up in a box: When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed, "Without doubt You will pass all your life in that box." ![]() There was an Old Person of Rheims, Who was troubled with horrible dreams; So to keep him awake they fed him with cake, Which amused that Old Person of Rheims. ![]() There was an Old Man of Leghorn, The smallest that ever was born; But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn. There was an Old Man in a pew, Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue; But he tore it in pieces, to give to his Nieces, That cheerful Old Man in a pew. There was an Old Man of Jamaica, Who suddenly married a Quaker; But she cried out, "Oh, lack! I have married a black!" Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica. ![]() There was an Old Man who said, "How Shall I flee from this horrible Cow? I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile, Which may soften the heart of that Cow." ![]() There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy; Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump, And some she took with her to Troy. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Hull, Who was chased by a virulent Bull; But she seized on a spade, and called out, "Who's afraid?" Which distracted that virulent Bull. ![]() There was an Old Person of Dutton, Whose head was as small as a button; So to make it look big he purchased a wig, And rapidly rushed about Dutton. ![]() There was an Old Man who said, "Hush! I perceive a young bird in this bush!" When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all; It is four times as big as the bush!" ![]() There was a Young Lady of Russia, Who screamed so that no one could hush her; Her screams were extreme,—no one heard such a scream As was screamed by that Lady of Russia. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Tyre, Who swept the loud chords of a lyre; At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep, And enchanted the city of Tyre. ![]() There was an Old Person of Bangor, Whose face was distorted with anger; He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots, That borascible Person of Bangor. ![]() There was an Old Man of the East, Who gave all his children a feast; But they all ate so much, and their conduct was such, That it killed that Old Man of the East. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Coast, Who placidly sat on a post; But when it was cold he relinquished his hold, And called for some hot buttered toast. ![]() There was an Old Man of Kamschatka, Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur; His gait and his waddle were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka. ![]() There was an Old Person of Gretna, Who rushed down the crater of Etna; When they said, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No, it's not!" That mendacious Old Person of Gretna. There was an Old Man with a beard, Who sat on a Horse when he reared; But they said, "Never mind! you will fall off behind, You propitious Old Man with a beard!" ![]() There was an Old Man of Berlin, Whose form was uncommonly thin; Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake, So they baked that Old Man of Berlin. ![]() There was an Old Man of the West, Who never could get any rest; So they set him to spin on his nose and his chin, Which cured that Old Man of the West. ![]() There was an Old Person of Cheadle Was put in the stocks by the Beadle For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs, That horrible person of Cheadle. ![]() There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly; He rushed down the Strand with a Pig in each hand, But returned in the evening to Anerley. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Wales, Who caught a large Fish without scales; When she lifted her hook, she exclaimed, "Only look!" That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling; She played on the harp, and caught several Carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling. ![]() There was an Old Person of Tartary, Who divided his jugular artery; But he screeched to his Wife, and she said, "Oh, my life! Your death will be felt by all Tartary!" ![]() There was an Old Man of Whitehaven, Who danced a quadrille with a Raven; But they said, "It's absurd to encourage this bird!" So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Sweden, Who went by the slow train to Weedon; When they cried, "Weedon Station!" she made no observation, But thought she should go back to Sweden. ![]() There was an Old Person of Chester, Whom several small children did pester; They threw some large stones, which broke most of his bones, And displeased that Old Person of Chester. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Cape, Who possessed a large Barbary Ape; Till the Ape, one dark night, set the house all alight, Which burned that Old Man of the Cape. ![]() There was an Old Person of Burton, Whose answers were rather uncertain; When they said, "How d' ye do?" he replied, "Who are you?" That distressing Old Person of Burton. ![]() There was an Old Person of Ems Who casually fell in the Thames; And when he was found, they said he was drowned, That unlucky Old Person of Ems. ![]() There was a Young Girl of Majorca, Whose Aunt was a very fast walker; She walked seventy miles, and leaped fifteen stiles, Which astonished that Girl of Majorca. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Poole, Whose soup was excessively cool; So she put it to boil by the aid of some oil, That ingenious Young Lady of Poole. ![]() There was an Old Lady of Prague, Whose language was horribly vague; When they said, "Are these caps?" she answered, "Perhaps!" That oracular Lady of Prague. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Parma, Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer: When they said, "Are you dumb?" she merely said, "Hum!" That provoking Young Lady of Parma. ![]() There was an Old Person of Sparta, Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;" He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales, That wonderful Person of Sparta. ![]() There was an Old Man on whose nose Most birds of the air could repose; But they all flew away at the closing of day, Which relieved that Old Man and his nose. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Turkey, Who wept when the weather was murky; When the day turned out fine, she ceased to repine, That capricious Young Lady of Turkey. ![]() There was an Old Man of Aôsta Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her; But they said, "Don't you see she has run up a tree, You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?" ![]() There was a Young Person of Crete, Whose toilette was far from complete; She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black, That ombliferous Person of Crete. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Clare, Who was madly pursued by a Bear; When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired, That unfortunate Lady of Clare. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Dorking, Who bought a large bonnet for walking; But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes, That she very soon went back to Dorking. ![]() There was an Old Man of Cape Horn, Who wished he had never been born; So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair, That dolorous Man of Cape Horn. ![]() There was an old Person of Cromer, Who stood on one leg to read Homer; When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff, Which concluded that Person of Cromer. ![]() There was an Old Man of the Hague, Whose ideas were excessively vague; He built a balloon to examine the moon, That deluded Old Man of the Hague. ![]() There was an Old Person of Spain, Who hated all trouble and pain; So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air, That umbrageous Old Person of Spain. ![]() There was an Old Man who said, "Well! Will nobody answer this bell? I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white, But nobody answers this bell!" ![]() There was an Old Man with an Owl, Who continued to bother and howl; He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale, Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl. ![]() There was an Old Man in a casement, Who held up his hands in amazement; When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he replied, "Not at all!" That incipient Old Man in a casement. ![]() There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel; But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice, Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell. ![]() There was an Old Man of Peru. Who never knew what he should do; So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear, That intrinsic Old Man of Peru. ![]() There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said, "It is just as I feared!— Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren, Have all built their nests in my beard." ![]() There was a Young Lady whose eyes Were unique as to color and size; When she opened them wide, people all turned aside, And started away in surprise. ![]() There was a Young Lady of Ryde, Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied; She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs, And frequently walked about Ryde. ![]() There was a Young Lady whose ![]() Came untied when the birds sate upon it; But she said, "I don't care! all the birds in the air Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!" |
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